Finally! (the doctor I thought I'd never find)

I thought my idea of what a doctor should be perhaps didn't exist. I have quite an aversion to western medical doctors, or rather I should say to the medical system that has developed in western societies. Something about a model that sees the body as a machine that needs 'fixing' doesn't feel right to me.

I grew up in a culture of acceptance -that is, accepting without question that those in 'authority' know best. Doctors have great authority. My experience, however, was that authority figures often insisted I did, felt or believed things that just didn't ring true. Ah, intuition, oft maligned, and so many of us caught in that culture of blind following rooted in fear. We have not been taught to know and trust our body's innate wisdom. We are fearful when our bodies display symptoms, rather than gratefully acknowledging the messages that those symptoms are giving us.

I try hard to be reasonable, but my own fearful response to doctors, hospitals and all things medical means that I find it very difficult to trust. (I had one very negative childhood experience of hospital and one adult experience that left me pretty cynical. Add that to unfathomably cold treatment from doctors during and after a miscarriage and a questionable willingness to prescribe drugs without question at my first ever sign of anxiety, well, that makes for a disillusioned Katie).

I come from a land where medical care is free and universal. Living here without health insurance adds a whole new layer of fear. Just because I prefer not to visit the doctor often doesn't mean that I do not appreciate what allopathic medicine offers in complex and emergency situations. I would love to feel that it was there for me as a safety net in case of such an event, but instead I carry a fear of needing it because I can't afford it.

I like to think that I trust my body and am aware and intuitive to its needs. However, the fact that I found myself (for the first time in 9 years) heading to see a doctor put me right back into that role of frightened patient. Well, there must be something really wrong with me if I'm going to see a doctor. I felt that my body was 'letting me down', and I mentioned this to the doctor. It didn't even seem right to me as I said it, but the fear in me told me that going to the doctor meant I just was not a healthy person.

With all my great awareness I explained some of my ideas as to what was going on in my body/mind/emotion. He took great care to explore with me what I felt about the symptoms and exactly what they were. As our time together unfolded, his wisdom flowed and I did not feel I was in a doctor's office, instead I felt like I was in a temple in a rare personal meeting with a great, wise teacher. I would do injustice to the magnitude of what happened in that hour if I were to try and capture what I learned in words - suffice to say, I came away feeling healthy instead of sick, with no drugs, no tests and no unanswered questions. I had a renewed trust in my body and my self, and a deep knowing that all was well. None of my original ideas of what was going on with my health made sense any more. All I had needed was to remember that I have everything I need right here.

A doctor who truly lives his philosophy and passes on that wisdom is a rare find, and, in my humble opinion, is the only sensible way forward.

An Acupuncture Aside... the doctor gave me acupuncture after our consultation. It was my first experience of acupuncture and WOW!! Days later, if I lie still and draw my attention to my body I can still feel the points where the needles were, and I can still feel the energy flowing with some great force and vitality around my body. Oh yeah! That's health care!!!!!!